Well, Liz and Mel did all the work. All I did was fill in bits and pieces but the forum is THE forum for this website.
I really like this man.
alexanderskarsgard.org/
There's still more work to do so stay tuned!
- Mood:
creative
Dear George and Leo,
Thank you so much for all of your concern concerning the welfare of your fellow human beings, the environment, and all that jazz. While it was nice to have some folks in the entertainment industry speak up about pressing and relevant global issues without coming across nearly as strident as say, Susan Sarandon or Tim Robbins, I think that there is a huge issue that only your type can properly address and draw attention too.
Sure it was swell that you were delivered to the red carpet via an electric car. Gay cowboys, racist epiphanies, Middle East tensions, and anti-McCarthyism have really been in-vogue for cinematic social commentary as well. But you and others of your Hot Hollywood Man-Meat ilk really missed a big-time PR opportunity that could have put your approval ratings through the roof. Now let me give you a humongous clue, especially if you want to make a high impact political statement:
Next year, TAKE A FAT CHICK TO THE OSCARS! (No, not the technical Oscars...the real deal.)
That’s right guys, with all of the problems concerning anorexic models dropping off like flies, lollipop-girl celebrities, and eating disorders running rampant amongst even grade schoolers, it would be nice to know that maybe one of you hunks like a gal with a little meat on her bones. It would send a clear message to several generations of women that it’s okay to occasionally have 3 square meals a day that do not include a laxative apertif.
Hell, TAKE A FAT CHICK TO THE GOLDEN GLOBES!
Examine most of your female fan base. Heeelllooooo! Many of your fan-girls are probably over a size 8. Why? Because some of them are sitting on their haunches either in front of the boob tube or computer gazing lovingly at your unattainable macho perfection. However, many are also doing it between their daily trips to the gym, sans personal trainer or chef. Now let’s make something clear, I (and a number of my peers) do not consider an 8 or 10 large at all. Just look at Jennifer Hudson and America Ferrera; gorgeous and full bodied, with real boobs! Camryn Mannheim and Queen Latifah? Bodacious broads and elegantly Rubenesque. But apparently in Hollywoodland that’s gargantuan. Size 14? Forgetaboutit! Heck, I remember a few years ago when professional swizzle-stick Courtney Cox whined about her old porker days as a size 6. WTF?
Those poor gals have spent a lot of time, energy, and yes, money, on you little gigolos, in order to support your illustrious careers. (Oh yeah, and another possible mini-cause for you wanna-be activists to champion: rechargeable batteries.) Without those Janes, you’re nothing bitches. So show a little respect and gratitude and:
Force feed Courtney, then TAKE A FAT CHICK TO THE MTV MOVIE AWARDS!
Here are some basic rules:
1.) You must call and ask the lady out yourself, not your people. You will ask, and you will ask nicely!
2.) The date must be in close proximity to your own age.
3.) Your mother, sister, aunt, publicist, fellow producer, etc. doesn’t count.
4.) You will have her wear a high-end designer couture gown and set up an entourage to do her hair and makeup. Andre Leon Talley will not be allowed anywhere near her or her wardrobe.(I love you Andre, but what in the hell were you thinking?)
5.) It will be a real date, not some brief swing-by past the paparazzi for a quickie photo op. And yes, you must prominently display yourself and your date; she needs to be made to feel like a star too. You having to put out is optional, but much desired.
6.) You will serve her champagne in the limo, affectionately escort her down the red carpet, and attentively sit with her during the program.
7.) You will then accompany her to all of the post-show parties. Treat her like a lady.
8.) It must be a for a real high-profile event. The Nickelodeon Kid’s Choice or TV Land Awards are unacceptable, period. The Independent Spirit Awards or Screen Actors' Guild Awards are well, okay, but you can do better. Much better.
9.) The day after, send flowers. That would be a very gentlemanly gesture.
Guys, if you want to be taken seriously, and not be considered vacuous cause-of-the-moment publicity whores, stick to the basics. Simple courtesy and outspoken acknowledgment of the beauty of women regardless of their size or age would be refreshing. Lip service alone doesn't cut it. After all, you want us to still embrace you despite the spare tires, receding hairlines and under eye-bags, right?
So there you go boys, put your money where your mouth is and show that you might give more than a s**t about your fans, as well as about more down to earth issues. While it's nice to care about global warming, get your head out of the supermodel's thighs and face an even more tangible reality. It's about time someone took a real woman; past thirty, over a size ten, and non-Botoxed, to Hollywood's version of the prom. Now, are you game?
Smooches ~ Sasha
Now that's just freaking hilarical anyway you look at it, folks!
- Location:in bed
- Mood:
chipper - Music:Golden Globes
Ok, so I've just updated all my links on my page.
Dunno why that's important but it just is.
- Mood:
accomplished
Quickpost this image to Myspace, Digg, Facebook, and others!
My first fan forum is now up and running....z13.invisionfree.com/Alexander_Skarsgard/i
I *heart* him.
I'm sitting her watching E-Town just because it's what I'm in the mood for. I had my art class tonight. I really think I'm starting to like this class except that any drawing that we have to do, I'm dismal at so it's quite embarassing for me to show my prof my work. But I'm learning a lot.
I joined Weight Watchers this week. They brought it into work and if I go to 15 out of the 18 meetings in the session that we signed up for, my company will reimburse us 100% of the cost to join! Very cool. I'm excited and excited about having friends to work this with me for the first time ever. Anytime I've ever tried losing weight, I've been completely on my own.
So here the shitter.....and I don't even know if I have the right to be upset over this. My dtr Emilie is a Girl Scout. And most of you must know that we just concluded the annual selling of the GS cookies. Now, in my office, half the people there are from WI and the WI GS cookies are 50 cents cheaper than the IL ones. WTF???? So I sold as best as I could but didn't get that many orders. There's also a GS in Emilie's troop who's lived here for about 7 years longer than we have and the neighborhood buys from her. It's all fair. But Emilie still didn't sell very many at all.
Tonight, I come home to find out that she was a lowest seller in her troop and all the other girls got prizes except for her. She was the only one who didn't get anything for selling but a patch. Now, as much as I know she has to learn that life isn't fair, yada, yada, yada....as much as I do not begrudge those other girls getting prizes for what they earned, basically, as a mother, it hurts like hell to have to hold your kid while she cries because she was basically singled out as a loser or worse, a slacker.
There's nothing that I can do about it so I held her and told her how proud I was and how I wish I could have done more. But she's set right now that this year is the last year with the GS. She's done. And right now, I don't blame her. I mean, I bought as many as I could but honestly, at $4.00 per box (which is incredible!!!!), I just couldn't afford to buy much this year and Shelby is in GS also. So I had both girls selling cookies. I just wish they could have done something...ANYTHING not to single her out like that. I'm just not happy right now and she's cried herself to sleep.
The good news is that the troop did earn enough to go to White Pines Dude ranch to go camping. It's the same ranch that I went to as a child so this is very cool to see her go also.
Spring break is coming up and I was looking forward to it but my teachers this semester are a little on the sadistic side.....yeah....they're piling on the homework!!!
Easter is at my sister's house so Friday night, I'm going to help her clean and then hopefully, have a drink or two with her. I miss her so much. Sometimes I think we got to chat more when I was living down in TX....oh well....
Time for bed. Goodnight, world!
- Location:Bedroom
- Mood:
cranky - Music:Elton John's Father
Ok, I usually don't make these because I hate to be so disappointed in myself but here goes:
1. I resolve NOT to try to lose weight but to adopt a more healthy lifestyle and help my very diabetic mother to do the same.
2. I resolve to continue to grow in my relationship with my girls as they grow so they know that while I'm always their mom, I'm also their best friend.
3. I resolve to really make a point of keeping in contact with the people that I love. To call them when I say I'm going to call them and to return their calls in a more timely fashion.
4. I resolve to believe in myself and obtain such a degree of contentment within myself that any relationship that I have would be the icing on the cake and not the ingredients of the cake.
5. I resolve to continue to excell in school.
6. I resolve to finish all the stories that I've started and to improve as a writer.
7. I resolve to go to church every Sunday and resupply that base for myself and for my girls.
8. I resolve to be a better sister, a better daughter, better mom, better friend and to excel in the workplace.
9. I resolve to be debt-free by December 2008.
10. I resolve to start traveling with my girls each year and take them to places they've only dreamt of.
I think that's it for now..........
- Mood: creative
By T. D. Jakes
There are people who can walk away from you.
And hear me when I tell you this!
When people can walk away from you: let them walk.
I don't want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone.
When people can walk away from you let them walk. ..
Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.
The bible said that, they came out from us that it might be made
manifest that they were not for us. For had they been of us, no doubt they would have continued with us.
[1 John 2:19]
People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay.
Let them go.
And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over.
And you've got to know when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead.
You've got to know when it's dead.
You've got to know when it's over. Let me tell you something. I've got the gift of good-bye. It's the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in
good-bye. It's not that I'm hateful, it's that I'm faithful, and I know whatever God means for me to have He'll give it to me. And if it takes too much sweat I don't need it. Stop begging people to stay.
Let them go!!
If you are holding on to something that doesn't belong to you and was never intended for your life, then you need to......
LET IT GO!!!
If you are holding on to past hurts and pains ......
LET IT GO!!!
If someone can't treat you right, love you back, and see your worth.....
LET IT GO!!!
If someone has angered you .
LET IT GO!!!
If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge......
LET IT GO!!!
If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction......
LET IT GO!!!
If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or talents ............
LET IT GO!!!
If you have a bad attitude.......
LET IT GO!!!
If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better......
LET IT GO!!!
If you're stuck in the past and God is trying to take you to a new level in Him........
LET IT GO!!!
If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship.......
LET IT GO!!!
If you keep trying to help someone who won't even try to help themselves......
LET IT GO!!!
If you're feeling depressed and stressed .........
LET IT GO!!!
If there is a particular situation that you are so used to handling
yourself and God is saying "take your hands off of it," then you need to ......
LET IT GO!!!
Let the past be the past. Forget the former things. GOD is doing a new thing for 2008!!!
LET IT GO!!!
Get Right or Get Left .. think about it, and then .
LET IT GO!!!
- Mood:
contemplative
- Mood: creative
The end of the Harry Potter series, as written by
Mario Puzo (The Godfather) :
Replacing the fallen Dumbledore as head of Hogwarts, Professor Minerva McGonagall proves to have balls of steel. In a well-coordinated series of carefully-timed attacks, the Order of the Phoenix kills every single Death Eater in a single night, settling all accounts.
John Grisham (The Firm, The Rainmaker, The Pelican Brief) :
Over the course of the book, Harry becomes disillusioned with the wizarding life as he realizes that it's just endless conflict in the service of his corrupt and power-hungry masters. He and Ginny change their names and assume new identities so they can leave the wizarding world and live happily ever after.
George Lucas (American Graffiti, Star Wars, Star Wars, Star Wars, Star Wars, Star Wars, Star Wars) :
The battle between Harry and Voldemort comes to a close with an exciting magical glowing sword fight in the never-before-seen high-tech part of Hogwarts during which Voldemort reveals that he's Harry's real father. Then the Death Star blows up.
Tom Clancy (The Hunt For Red October, The Sum of All Fears, Rainbow 6) :
All seems lost for Harry until the Voldemort problem is brought to the attention of American President Jack Ryan, who sends the Enterprise Carrier Group to defeat the Death Eaters in a series of air strikes. Distrustful of the Ministry of Magic, Harry Potter defects to the United States where he helps Ryan get elected to his fourth term as President.
Dr. Seuss:
Harry:
"You tried to kill me with your wand.
You tried to kill me near a pond.
You killed my mommy and my dad,
And that's what made me really mad.
You possessed my main squeeze little Ginny
when I whined my voice turned tinny.
I hate you truly, I really do
I'll kill you now, and that is true."
(Upon hearing this Voldemort drops dead from bad poetry)
JRR Tolkien
Good guys win, bad guys lose. Yet, there are still 600 pages left in the book.
30 Pages of Ron going home,
40 more of Hermione going home. Crookshanks peed on the rug, 70 pages of cleaning that up.
30 more pages while Harry goes home.
Harry doesn't like home, goes to visit Ron. (50 more pages). They go to the mall (20).
Someone mentions Dumbledore and they talk about him.. 75 more pages.
Appendix A - Entire text of 'Hogwarts, A History'.
Appendix B - Muggles, and how they got that way.
Appendix C - A collection of songs, presented in their original Parselmouth language.
Appendix D - Detailed description of the flora and fauna of the forbidden forest.
Appendix E - Wand styles of the famous.
Appendix F - A treatise on Lucius Malfoy's hair
Stephen King:
The good guys win.
They gather in the Great Hall for a huge party.
Then, the Great Hall eats them.
Jane Austen:
Harry, Ron and Hermione travel back in time to a ball Voldemort attended as a young man to try to learn more about where the Horcruxes might be. The young Tom Riddle sees Hermione across the room and is struck by her beauty. He asks her to dance but she snubs him, which infuriates him, but also makes him instantly in love with her. He asks all his friends who she is and is shocked to find out she's muggle-born. For days he tries to go on being evil, but with Hermione showing up everywhere he goes, he gives in, and confesses his love to her. Hermione is frightened. She and the others quickly flee back to the present time, but the young Voldemort follows them. Hermione grows to love him in return as he uses his power for good to try and impress her, and he is kind of cute after all. The world is saved and Tom and Hermione have a double wedding with Harry and Ginny.
Scooby Doo
As Lord Voldemort draws his last breath, he utters, "And I would have succeeded taking over the world if it weren't for YOU meddling kids."
Orson Welles:
Harry dies. A bunch of crap happens, but nobody's actually seen the movie nowadays so it really doesn't matter. "Voldemort" was the name of Harry's sled; this is a "twist ending", but everybody already knew this before having watched the movie. A newspaper magnate blows a gasket.
L. Frank Baum:
"Oh, Auntie Petunia--there's no place like home!"
Michael Moore
Harry leads a camera crew to find out all the things that the Ministry of Magic neglected to show, only to reveal the bad things happening at Azkaban. He goes to trial against the Ministry of Magic to defend the Deatheaters rights as wizards. When Harry gets them released, he goes on to get assasinated at the opening of the show by the same people he was trying to save.
- Mood: cheerful
Happy 1 Year Anniversary for My Divorce to me!!!!!
It's truly been the best year ever!!!!!
- Mood: accomplished
The Idiot Report........
Here's your sign
Number One Idiot of 2006
I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center.
Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants.
I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her
Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants.
I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her
daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened
to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants.
I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency room right away.
I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency room right away.
Here's your sign, lady. Wear it with pride.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number Two Idiot of 2006
Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s.
Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s.
They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for a float on
the river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them. It turned out that the chopper
was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that activated when the raft was inflated. They are no
longer employed at Boeing.
Here's your sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the paint might run.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number Three Idiot of 2006
A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the Branch and wrote this.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number Three Idiot of 2006
A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the Branch and wrote this.
"Put all your muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller,
he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before
he reached the teller's window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to the
Wells Fargo Bank. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller.
She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor,
told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America
deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to
Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left.
He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.
He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.
Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably couldn't read it anyway.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number Four Idiot of 2006
A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that; measured his speed using
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number Four Idiot of 2006
A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that; measured his speed using
radar and photographed his car. He later received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his
car. Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40. Several days later,
he received a letter from the police that contained another picture, this time of handcuffs.
He immediately mailed in his $40.
He immediately mailed in his $40.
Wise guy........ but you still get a sign
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number Five Idiot of 2006
A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of the cash from the cash drawer.
After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf.
He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said, "Because I don't believe you are over 21."
The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because she didn't believe him.
At this point, the robber took his driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk.
The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and she put the Scotch in the bag.
The robber then ran from the store with his loot.
The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license.
They arrested the robber two hours later.
This guy definitely needs a sign.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Idiot Number Six of 2006
A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers.
The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.
This guy doesn't even deserve a sign
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Idiot Number Seven of 2006
Arkansas : Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Idiot Number Seven of 2006
Arkansas : Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just
throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run.
So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder
So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder
block bounced back knocking him unconscious. It seems the liquor store window
was made of Plexi-Glass. The whole event was caught on videotape.
Yep, Here's your sign
(Please note that all of the above people are allowed to vote)
IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD:
I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township
I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township
administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road.
The reason:
"Too many deer are being hit by cars out here!
I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore."
From Kingman , KS .
________________________________________
IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE:
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person
"Too many deer are being hit by cars out here!
I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore."
From Kingman , KS .
________________________________________
IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE:
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person
behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.
He was the Chef?
He was the Chef?
Yep...From Kansas City !
________________________________________
IDIOT SIGHTING:
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked,!
"Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?
To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?"
He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."
________________________________________
IDIOT SIGHTING:
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked,!
"Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?
To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?"
He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."
Happened in Birmingham , Ala.
________________________________________
IDIOT SIGHTING:
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when its safe to cross the street
I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine.
She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for.
I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.
Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?!"
________________________________________
IDIOT SIGHTING:
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when its safe to cross the street
I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine.
She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for.
I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.
Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?!"
She was a probation officer in Wichita , KS
________________________________________
IDIOT SIGHTING :
At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker. She was leaving the company
________________________________________
IDIOT SIGHTING :
At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker. She was leaving the company
due to" downsizing." Our manager commented cheerfully, "This is fun. We should
do this more often." Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each
other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.
This was a bunch at Texas Instruments.
________________________________________
IDIOT SIGHTING:
I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake
________________________________________
IDIOT SIGHTING:
I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake
of her own life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.
A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office no less.
________________________________________
IDIOT SIGHTING:
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the
________________________________________
IDIOT SIGHTING:
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the
keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working
feverishly to unlock the drivers side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively
tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician,
"its open!" His reply, "I know - I already got that side."
This was at the CHEVY dealership in Canton , Mississippi !
________________________________________
________________________________________
STAY ALERT!
They walk among us .. and they REPRODUCE ..!!!
- Mood: amused
| In 1968 (the year you were born) |
 Lyndon B. Johnson is president of the US North Koreans seize USS Pueblo and 83 man crew in the Sea of Japan Communist troops attack Saigon and 30 province capitals in the "Tet Offensive" Martin Luther King is assassinated in Memphis, TN Senator Robert F. Kennedy is shot in California after celebrating presidential primary victories American troops destroy a town in South Vietnam in the "My Lai Massacre" Peggy Fleming wins Olympics figure skating gold medal The United States Congress repeals the requirement for a gold reserve to back US currency Student protesters at Columbia University in New York City take over administration buildings and shut down the university LL Cool J, Lisa Marie Presley, Jeri Ryan, Lucy Lawless, Celine Dion, Traci Lords, Tony Hawk, Kylie Minogue, and Sammy Sosa are born Detroit Tigers win the World Series Green Bay Packers win Superbowl II Montreal Canadians win the Stanley Cup 2001: A Space Odyssey and Planet of the Apes are the top grossing movies The rock musical Hair opens on Broadway The Beatles' White Album and Simon and Garfunkel's Bookends are released Rowan & Martin's Laugh-In, debuts on NBC |
- Mood:
dorky
Subject: WISDOM OF MOTHER
I OWE MY MOTHER:
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."
2. My mother taught me RELIGION. "You better pray that this will come out of the carpet."
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
4. My mother taught me LOGIC. " Because I said so, that's why."
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
7. My mother taught me IRONY. "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. "Shut your mouth and eat your supper"
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
11 My mother taught me about WEATHER. "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. "Stop acting like your father!"
15. My mother taught me about ENVY. "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. "Just wait until we get home."
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. "You are going to get it when you get home!"
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."
19. My mother taught me ESP . "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"
20. My mother taught me HUMOR. "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
22. My mother taught me GENETICS. "You're just like your father."
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. "Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
24. My mother taught me WISDOM. "When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you."
- Mood: amused
Come and visit my Avon webpage!!!
Check it out!!!!
- Mood:
excited
9 Things I Hate About Everyone
1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.. I know where
my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask
where the toilet is?
2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for
the T.V. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the
channel manually.
3 When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn
right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?
4 When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is.
Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do
this? Who and where are they? Gonna Kick their asses!
5 When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No Loser, I
paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.
6 People who ask "Can I ask you a question?"... Didn't really give me a
choice there, did ya sunshine?
7 . When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then
there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there
must have been something before it, couldn't be new.
8 When people say "life is short". What the hell?? Life is the longest damn
thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?
9 When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come
yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass?
- Mood: amused
I seriously need to update this more. Well, I'm sitting here in the middle of our second snowstorm of the year. We've got snow drifts over a foot deep. Our boss let us off a little early so I opted for it so that I could avoid traffic. I LOVE IT!!!
And I love our company. What company buys lunch for it's entire office just because it snows outside and in their opinion, it's better to bring lunch in than have go out and have people not come back. And lunch will be provided tomorrow again.
I've decided something. I've decided not to take life so seriously. Of course, I have no clue how to accomplish this but I really just want to kick back, relax and just enjoy my life, my children, being single and having this great future ahead of me. That's my number one goal. Everything I do, I want to have fun doing it regardless of whether it's work, school or my home life.
That's it. The girls and I are still hunting for a new church. I think we may have settled on one but it really doesn't have everything that I want. But I can't find a church that's close that does. The only church that has everything that I want is in Hoffman Estates which is a hour away and I'm just not driving an hour for church. I can't get involved in a church that's an hour away when I have to work and go to school.
Speaking of school, I've completed my FAFSA application and have submitted it to the government. And I also applied for school. So I'm on the road! If I can take a class over the summer, I'm going to try to do that just to get a little jump start but we'll see. I'll have to take a placement test first. I know I'll test out of the english/reading/writing but I may have an issue in math. So I'm studying for th at to see if I can get as close to testing out as possible. Hopefully, I can.
Ok, see, I've just sesttled one argument between my children and I send them on their merry way and they go away arguing! I just don't get it. *shakes head*
- Mood: amused
- Location:same place; different station
- Mood: amused
- Music:Jimmy Neutron on TV
Ten Guidelines From God Effective Immediately, please be aware that there are changes YOU need to make in YOUR life. These changes need to be completed in order that I may fulfill My promises to you to grant you peace, joy and happiness in this life. I apologize for any inconvenience, but after all that I am doing, this seems very little to ask of you. Please, follow these 10 guidelines 1. QUIT WORRYING: Life has dealt you a blow and all you do is sit and worry. Have you forgotten that I am here to take all your burdens and carry them for you? Or do you just enjoy fretting over every little thing that comes your way? 2. PUT IT ON THE LIST: Something needs done or taken care of. Put it on the list. No, not YOUR list. Put it on MY to-do-list. Let ME be the one to take care of the problem. I can't help you until you turn it over to Me. And although My to-do-list is long, I am after all... God. I can take care of anything you put into My hands. In fact, if the truth were ever really known, I take care of a lot of things for you that you never even realize. 3. TRUST ME: Once you've given your burdens to Me, quit trying to take them back. Trust in Me. Have the faith that I will take care of all your needs, your problems and your trials. Problems with the kids? Put them on My list. Problem with finances? Put it on My list. Problems with your emotional roller coaster? For My sake, put it on My list. I want to help you. All you have to do is ask. 4. LEAVE IT ALONE: Don't wake up one morning and say, "Well, I'm feeling much stronger now, I think I can handle it from here." Why do you think you are feeling stronger now? It's simple. You gave Me your burdens and I'm taking care of them. I also renew your strength and cover you in my peace. Don't you know that if I give you these problems back, you will be right back where you started? Leave them with Me and forget about them. Just let Me do my job. 5. TALK TO ME: I want you to forget a lot of things. Forget what was making you crazy. Forget the worry and the fretting because you know I'm in control. But there's one thing I pray you never forget. Please, don't forget to talk to Me - OFTEN! I love YOU! I want to hear your voice. I want you to include Me in on the things going on in your life. I want to hear you talk about your friends and family. Prayer is simply you having a conversation with Me. I want to be your dearest friend. 6. HAVE FAITH: I see a lot of things from up here that you can't see from where you are. Have faith in Me that I know what I'm doing. Trust Me; you wouldn't want the view from My eyes. I will continue to care for you, watch over you, and meet your needs. You only have to trust Me. Although I have a much bigger task than you, it seems as if you have so much trouble just doing your simple part. How hard can trust be? 7. SHARE: You were taught to share when you were only two years old. When did you forget? That rule still applies. Share with those who are less fortunate than you. Share your joy with those who need encouragement. Share your laughter with those who haven't heard any in such a long time. Share your tears with those who have forgotten how to cry. Share your faith with those who have none. 8. BE PATIENT: I managed to fix it so in just one lifetime you could have so many diverse experiences. You grow from a child to an adult, have children, change jobs many times, learn many trades, travel to so many places, meet thousands of people, and experience so much. How can you be so impatient then when it takes Me a little longer than you expect to handle something on My to-do-list? Trust in My timing, for My timing is perfect. Just because I created the entire universe in only six days, everyone thinks I should always rush, rush, rush. 9. BE KIND: Be kind to others, for I love them just as much as I love you. They may not dress like you, or talk like you, or live the same way you do, but I still love you all. Please try to get along, for My sake. I created each of you different in some way. It would be too boring if you were all identical. Please, know I love each of your differences. 10. LOVE YOURSELF: As much as I love you, how can you not love yourself? You were created by me for one reason only -- to be loved, and to love in return. I am a God of Love. Love Me. Love your neighbors. But also love yourself. It makes My heart ache when I see you so angry with yourself when things go wrong. You are very precious to me. Don't ever forget...... |
- Mood: hopeful
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shemilie96- shemilie96
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